im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
