ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
