Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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