and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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