I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
