Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So many bounce houses so little time
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
