i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
