Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just want nice things and good sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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