watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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