Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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