Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
