I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
