shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
