in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
