Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
