It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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