i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
