Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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