Got a toothbrush?
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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