do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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