i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
