there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Drake has all the answers
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
