My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
