That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
