Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You ate ashes out of my bong
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
