I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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