How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
