If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
