last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
