i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
