I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
