I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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