ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
