Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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