Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
