Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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