week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
