the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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