Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just pee around me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
