Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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