I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
