i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
