so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
