Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
