I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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