The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
