Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire

Fav 6 1189 2004
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(815): View more from Illinois

Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl

Fav 17 1388 936
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(863): View more from Florida

Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!

Fav 9 1260 2301
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(678): View more from Georgia

I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.

Fav 13 897 2766
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(716): View more from New York

You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.

Fav 18 6142 1869
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(347): View more from New York

Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta

Fav 6 1465 764
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.

Fav 10 1474 969
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(406): View more from Montana

I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.

Fav 2 921 501
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again

Fav 1 52 2
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