My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
