My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
