im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
