Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
