god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
