dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
