I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
