you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
